


Weak

by The_Hawk_Eye



Series: Drowning [2]
Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16107716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hawk_Eye/pseuds/The_Hawk_Eye
Summary: He should say no but he is weak. He is so weak...





	Weak

**Author's Note:**

> Second fic about this two. I hope the next one is longer :)
> 
> English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes.

Mr. Peanutbutter kisses him. He doesn't understand exactly why he does it but it feels right. He's breathing again. The last months have been hard and lonely but those aren't the only reason why he's kissing him. Mr. Peanutbutter has learnt how to live alone. He's used to his big house being empty and dark. He's used to go to pubs to drink so he can have some company at nights. He's used to solitude. He has been sleeping with some strangers just to be touched. So he's not with BoJack just to run away from his solitude. There is something else. And Mr. Peanutbutter feels like he's reaching the surface and can breath for some minutes before going down again every time he's with BoJack.

Mr. Peanutbutter kisses him hard and deep and makes the kiss last as long as possible. He's scared about what will happen next. He's afraid BoJack will reject him. This was a rush decision and Mr. Peanutbutter knows he shouldn't have kissed him but he needed air so desperately. He has been drowning for weeks and the only moments he doesn't feel like that are those when BoJack sits next to him in the pub and helps him to leave the place.

Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't understand his own feelings. This is different. It isn't refreshing and exciting like his old relationships but as depressed as it seems what he has with BoJack is peaceful. His mind stops and everything around disappears. He forgets he's an awful guy and can focus in what he has with BoJack. And maybe this sounds selfish but Mr. Peanutbutter knows he can't ruin BoJack like he did with Katrina, Jessica and even Diane. He won't suck his youth and happiness. And Mr. Peanutbutter wants to believe he can give him something good in return.

The kiss ends and Mr. Peanutbutter looks him in the eye. They're breathless and confused but none of them run away from this. After some seconds BoJack puts his hand on his shoulder. And Mr. Peanutbutter knows what he's going to say and tries to kiss again to avoid those words but BoJack pushes him.

"You're drunk." It's a statement. He doesn't sound mad or like he's judging him. It's just a fact.

In another moment that wouldn't have been a problem since he's a bit drunk as well and wants this to happen but BoJack is the one in control and he's trying to be better.

"I'm not that drunk." Mr. Peanutbutter says back because it's true. He feels dizzy and numb but he's not completely wasted. He knows what he wants. He knows what he's doing.

"You're drunk." BoJack repeats more for himself than for Mr. Peanutbutter. He wants to be better and this is an important step; to say no. "You will regret any decision you take."

"No, I won't." He sounds convinced and BoJack doubts. He wants this to happen. He craves his touch. He misses the physical contact of a sweaty body against his. The hand resting on his shoulder shivers. He wants what he's offering and that's the worst part of this situation. He has to say no. He should say no. “Come on... come on... You want this.” He sounds so sure like there is no problem; he doesn’t sound like he’s drunk. And that’s the most confusing thing for BoJack because he doesn’t know if Mr. Peanutbutter is not too drunk or because he wants him to not be drunk so he can justify himself the next morning. He is so weak. He should say no and BoJack knows that.

He should say no but he is weak. He is so weak... 

Mr. Peanutbutter grabs his jumper and pulls BoJack a bit closer to him. He should say no but Mr. Peanutbutter looks so desperate and needy, just like him. BoJack wants this to happen as well. But he should say no anyways because he’s trying to be better. BoJack wants to be better for Mr. Peanutbutter. He wants to convince himself that he’s better but he’s weak. He’s always been weak. BoJack gulps and tries to move but Mr. Peanutbutter doesn’t free his clothes and BoJack never takes away his hand from his shoulder. He’s weak because he needs this. BoJack is sure he needs this... but he should say no. He should move and goes away from this; however, his hand never leaves Mr. Peanutbutter’s shoulder and never tries to push him. 

Maybe this is not the worst thing he could do. Mr. Peanutbutter wants this, he wants this. He said he wants this. And BoJack wants this too. There are feelings here. He’s never thought about those feelings but he knows they are there and BoJack understands what they mean; even if he’s not ready yet to confront them. And right now, in this moment, as desperate as they look, as miserable as Mr. Peanutbutter looks and as sad as BoJack looks... There is something nice between them. They are breathing. BoJack is not drowning thanks to him.

It’s not the best moment for them, but maybe it’s the only moment they will have for this to happen; for this to save them. So at the end BoJack kisses him. And for one second they both feel like everything is fine, like they’re not ruin. For one second while their mouths are together and their tongues intertwine they believe their lives are different and are not ruined forever. They believe they are not broken, nor drunk. They believe there is a future for them.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all. I hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> Kudos and comments will make me happy :)
> 
> Link to my tumblr as a writer: [Tumblr](https://the-hawk-eye-fics.tumblr.com/)


End file.
